You remember middle school. Those awkward years when you were changing in more ways than one. You didn’t really know who you were or who you wanted to be. Unfortunately, not much has changed. Our kids still go through this phase and with so much access to the world through social media, these years are even more complicated.
Here are 10 tips to help you and your middle schooler through the journey.
1. Remember the goal.
Who do you want your child to be? Have open dialogue about the maturing that is going to take place and set some tangible goals. The goals shouldn’t just be about schoolwork but about choosing friends, saving money and committing to meaningful extracurricular activities.
2. Show them what true accountability looks like.
They know when you are being fake and will call you out on it. This is the age where our children are quick to point out our hypocrisies. You can’t encourage healthy eating when you’re eating French fries. Use them as an accountability partner. They will learn from watching you win and will feel a sense of accomplishment with you.
3. Be what you want them to become.
The best way to influence who they will become is to act that way yourself. If you want them to be kind to their friends and siblings, model this behavior with your spouse and children. It takes patience and practice, but your cheerleaders are sitting next to you.
4. Ask them to prioritize meaningful extracurricular activities.
There are a lot of kids who are members of every sports team and every club. Ask your child to limit their activities to those that teach them valuable life skills, encourage them to be kind and afford them a safe place to express themselves.
5. Seek understanding before commanding.
Goodness, this is hard! I often say we judge ourselves on our intentions and others on their behaviors. Isn’t this true for our kids! We judge their behaviors and act hastily before ever really thinking about what caused them to act this way. Ask open-ended questions before coming to a conclusion about their actions.
6. Don’t be afraid to address the elephant in the room.
“He heard what at school?” You know it’s coming… that conversation every adult dreads. Think about it — wouldn’t you rather your child hear it from you, where you can influence their thoughts and ideas on the topic? Leaving your door open for any kind of conversation will encourage your child to talk to you about the perplexing changes occurring in their life.
7. Seek out wise counselors.
You aren’t the first parent to struggle through middle school with your child and you won’t be the last. Surely you have friends who have been through these years. What lessons have they learned? What parenting strategies worked? How did they initiate meaningful conversations with their child?
8. Surround your kids with mentors.
The truth is someone is mentoring your child whether good or bad. You have friends you trust, their kids are well mannered — reach out to them and ask them to take your child out for lunch and mini golf. Some intelligent discourse with another adult can really help direct their path.
9. Don’t be afraid to let them fail.
The best learning experiences come from failure. We know this because hindsight is always 20/20. Allowing your child to make mistakes today gives them the clarity and wisdom not to make that mistake again. You can try to protect them, but perhaps it’s just delaying the inevitable.
10. Set reasonable boundaries and praise them when they respect those boundaries.
“You can turn on your cell phone after you’ve completed your homework.” Your child has to earn your trust, and once they do perhaps the cell phone doesn’t need to be turned off while they are doing their homework. Because of the initial boundary, they understand they focus better when they aren’t texting and doing their homework at the same time.
Read Elizabeth’s other Fredericksburg.Today columns.
Columns on Fredericksburg.Today are recurrent features on specific topics or by regular contributors. Guest writers present their own point-of-view and may not necessarily represent the viewpoint of Fredericksburg.Today.
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